I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
