and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
