your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize