Where is the hickey?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
