he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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