I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
