woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
