I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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