You took a bar mat shot.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
