This girl is more easily done than said...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I touched a dick in church today
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
