I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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