I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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