i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
