She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
