Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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