Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
