At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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