fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
