He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Randomize
