Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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