i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
