i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
