Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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