i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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