Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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