Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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