dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
