just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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