Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize