There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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