I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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