Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
