Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
