hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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