How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
