I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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