By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
