I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
