She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
