i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
