all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
