I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize