they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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