oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize