On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
