How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
