I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
