haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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