Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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