I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't turn off my feet"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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