dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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