So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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