I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
