Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
