arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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