Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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