Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
