..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
