How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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