i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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