I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
