Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
