There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
